Things I Learned

It has been quite some time since my last post and it seems as though blogging is one of the things I save until last and then it doesn’t happen.  I must warn you; this is a very long post and involves a recent event in my life.

When something traumatic happens in my life, and that doesn’t mean it’s traumatic to the average person, usually it just affects me that way, my first thought is usually, really???  After I take a few deep breaths and have some time to process things, I try to remember to thank Jesus, remind myself that things could always be worse and that this is just another bump along the way on my journey through life.  Not that we will always learn a huge lesson through these times and experiences but I do believe that if we will allow our heart to be open, amazing things will come to light.   I believe that our Father walks with us every moment of each day, smiles as we celebrate our successes and is ready with arms stretched out to comfort us during the challenges times in our lives.  I also believe that His hand of protection was on me during my recent incident as I fell from that “bronco bucking” Welch pony.  I believe that, because HE is my protector, my rock and is with me always.  I am thankful that God protected my brain and spine and anything else that would have kept me from being as I was before.  I am thankful that my broken bones were minimal, that they were fixable and that in time I will make a full recovery. Sometimes I tell myself that me and my traumatic moments are not God's top priority but deep down in my heart I know that everything in our lives are important to Him.  As I try to communicate my thoughts about my journey I am praying that my words will not be taken the wrong way for my heart is truly humble and like so many others I am on a lifelong adventure of seeking and understanding His truth. Every day since this accident I have wondered why HE would spare me from something much worse and others have and will endure much more pain and brokenness than I could ever imagine. Why some of us are spared the pain and others are not has always been a hard thing for me to wrap my mind around.  With every bout of pain, I honestly thought about those who are suffering with daily pain that will never go away and those who are living a life that was changed because of an injury that will hinder or keep them from being able to do many of the daily chores that we take for granted.  I am brokenhearted for those whose lives are forever changed from an illness or an injury. I always felt that I was compassionate and understood what they were feeling, but I truly had absolutely NO idea what they were going through.  During my recovery I definitely had times of feeling hopeless. My healing has been very slow and requiring help with even the basics was extremely hard for me.  I definitely had time to be still and ponder, pray and wonder what might be revealed to me during this time. In the beginning I was in quite a bit of pain and praying almost every minute that God would take it away instantly. We sometimes feel as though God is slow in answering our prayers.  Without a doubt most of the time HE is slow in answering according to what we want. Our body is a beautiful perfectly made piece of art that our creator gave each of us to enjoy, use wisely and treat with respect. Thankfully in time I began to realize that something so perfect would take time to heal and to be restored back to the healthy body I had trusted to carry me through this life. During the many hours of idle time my mind was constantly wondering what this could possibly bring to my life.  I actually learned many things about myself during this time, some were a surprise and some I was unfortunately already aware of.  I learned that it's ok if I sit in a chair while everyone else is running my household, I learned that even a simple walk to the barn and back is very precious and that taking an afternoon nap is not being lazy. I learned that ice packs, a heating pad and pillow pet can become a good friend.  I learned that my parents can still take care of me even though I am over 50 and that my children are able to do so much more to help me than I ever realized.  I guess I had forgotten that they are adults now.  I am certainly proud of them and would like to take credit for who they have become but to be honest the credit goes completely to each of them. I learned that when my Mom brushed my hair it didn't hurt as much as I thought it did when I was a child and that my Dad even at 80 is the dish washing King.  I learned that if I can’t get out of the chair to pick up my grandchildren, they will come running to me.  It’s amazing how even at their young age, they understand that Nanny has a boo boo.  I learned that I have wonderful neighbors all around me and that if I need them they will come running.  I have to mention something else at this point. After I fell to the ground and was lying in the dirt waiting for the ambulance to arrive, I ask my neighbor for a pillow and a blanket.  I have no idea why other than; remember that part about everything being traumatic for me.  Like I said, they went running to get them for me.  I also have to mention that my neighbor and her 5 year old daughter kneeled beside me and prayed over my body.  How awesome is that!   I learned that I can shop from a wheelchair just as well as I can when I am up and walking and that you get a completely different view of the world at that level.  I noticed things in my house that I never noticed before, mostly the dust but still, I learned.  I had my first ambulance ride and I pray that it will be my last.  I learned firsthand how important our first responders are for ALL of us.  They were my saving grace for sure!!!  While we are at this point I have to share a little story.  As the EMT’s were trying to get me hooked up to an IV and comfortable I kept interrupting them saying I need something to prop my leg up on.  In my mind I felt that it would help to relieve the pain.  I went on and on with my request. Finally, one of the gentlemen suggested that we use a medical bag.  I am sure they were looking at each other thinking this is going to be a long ride.  Anyway, they placed the medical bag under my leg and it did relieve some of the pain but not all of it.  I thanked them over and over and was very cooperative the rest of the trip to the hospital.  I guess this would also fall under that comment about everything being traumatic.   I learned that my sweet husband Barry is ONE LOYAL CARING MAN and a great stand-in hairstylist.  He has talked me down off the ledge many times during the past several weeks and when he thinks I need to laugh, he will tell me to "just go ahead and jump." I am just kidding of course. As I said over and over, “I can’t do this anymore,” Barry would respond by saying, “OK, just quit” and he would smile.  I learned that Barry can actually function on a few hours of sleep each night as long as there is Dr. Pepper available, that he truly has the patience of JOB and that he is the greatest encourager I’ve ever known.  I was reminded that my friends are caring and loyal and still love me more than I deserve and that my family will do WHATEVER it takes to hold us together.  I learned that it’s very encouraging to have visitors and tons of love poured on you much longer than just the week of and the week after surgery.  Thankfully my family and friends already knew that.  Good things happen and not so good things happen, this is life and I love it no matter what.  My circumstances today are not life threatening and certainly not to the extent of what several of my precious friends are going through at this very moment. We never know what the next season of life will hold for us.  Each "season" of our life will come and go and I believe the Lord wants us to enjoy and be "present" in each one whether our days are currently complete joy or seem a bit challenging.  My constant prayer is that I will always be present in each season, that my heart will be open to change and that I am willing to follow Him no matter where He leads me. I am also praying that I will more often approach Him “seeking” instead of “asking.”  My goal is to NOT focus on the circumstances of "now" but just be completely immersed in the "present" and in each precious moment. We can be certain that a change in season will come so we should be hopeful for what God has planned for us in the next season. I still have a few weeks of physical therapy and recovery to go but thankfully I am on the downhill side of things.  I am thankful for my family and friends and for the ONE who holds everything in HIS hands.  God is a beautiful mystery but is SO worth getting to know. His awesomeness overwhelms me and the depth of HIS love reaches deep within my heart and soul to a place I will probably never understand. And that's ok.

Until next time, love, love, love!                                                                                                                                 

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.